It's About Time!

Bloody outrageous. I mean, what exactly have I been doing with myself this past six months since I last posted?

• Added 'write blog' to my list of weekly 'Things-to-do' approx 26 times.


• Updated my Facebook status at least 200 times....


• Wasted around 180+ hours of my life reading celeb news on dailymail.co.uk/perezhilton.com.


• Eaten Carnie Wilson's body weight in dark chocolate brownies.


• Rowed with Him Downstairs 58 times.


• Spent over 185 hours in my car being a Mommy-cab for Cheeky and Monkey.


• Discovered at least 20 new grey hairs.


• Tripped over discarded boys shoes too many bloody times to count.


• Had 48 glorious hours sans kids and husband during a much-needed girlfriends only city break.


• Celebrated two birthdays. One: mine (not so much cheer, as 'Dammit, I can't be knocking on forties' door already?') and the other: Monkey's. He turned four and forgot how to be civil.


• Cried several bucket loads of tears over movies/TV shows/my kids/my husband/Idol Gives Back.


• Written at least 12 big cheques to the local education authority in pre-school fees.


• Spent more in Gap kids, J Crew kids and Mini Boden than I have in H&M, Banana Republic or Anthropologie for myself. Ever.


• Removed a yeti's worth of hag/lady-bit hairs from areas it's God's idea of a very cruel joke in which to place a hair follicle.


• Started having very regular wax appointments.


• Had (and mostly enjoyed) sex (with Him Downstairs) approx 20 times. (Reason for such a low/high number depending on how you look at it, will become obvious...)


• Purchased one ovulation kit...


• Taken two pregnancy tests....


• Missed six periods.....


• Gone off sex completely.


• Having one baby!

Yes, we are due to become a family of five in 13 weeks. Or 15 actually if my previous tardiness in delivering babies is anything to go by.

Am excited and nervous, but mostly knackered. And we haven't even got to the night-feeds stage yet. My night feeds. Usually from month eight, when only a bowl of Weetabix at 3am will do. I desperately need a vacation from my body, but this is one fat suit that won't come off. If anyone has any suggestions about how to feel fabulous whilst knocked up, please P L E A S E, will you share them with me?

photo: dreamstime.com