Friday, October 3, 2008

Are you the next Survivor?

My friend sent me this and it gave me such a laugh I thought I'd share it with you. After the the week I've had battling with my bedtime Monkey, a giggle couldn't come too soon.

(Little update from previous two posts: I've taken a harsher line on the going-to-bed front thanks to all your advice and last night, he was asleep, in his own bed, by 9.15pm. So, fingers crossed, the tables have turned..)

PITCH FOR THE NEXT SERIES OF SURVIVOR

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play:
Two sports
And either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must:
Take care of his 3 kids.
Keep his assigned house clean.
Correct all homework.
And complete science projects, cook and do laundry.
And pay a list of 'pretend' bills.
With not enough money.

In addition, each man:
Will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives.
And send cards out on time - no emailing.

Each man must also:
Take each child to a doctor's appointment.
A dentist appointment.
And a haircut appointment.

He must make:
One unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the A & E.
Bake cookies or cakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for:
Decorating his own assigned house.
Planting flowers outside.
Keep it presentable.
At all times.

The men will only:
Have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must:
Shave their legs.
Wear makeup daily.
Adorn himself with jewellery.
Wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes.
Keep fingernails polished.
And eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks..
The men will have to endure severeabdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend:
Weekly school meetings and church.
Find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to:
Read a book to the kids each night and in the morning.
Feed them, dress them.
Brush their teeth.
Comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
Each child's birthday.
Height, weight.
Shoe size, clothes size.
And doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth.
Length, time of birth.
And length of labour.
Each child's favourite colour.
Middle name.
Favourite snack.
Favourite song.
Favourite drink.
Favourite toy.
Biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if:
He still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win:
He can play the game over and over.
And over again for the next 18-25 years.
Eventually earning the right to be called *Mum!

* Of course, we need to insert the word, 'Dad' for all those stay-at-home Daddies amongst us..

18 comments:

  1. Pick me, pick me, I get to drop down from four kids to just three kids.

    I’d win and women would just fall at my feet and worship my ability to be a woman. What?! Wait!! This doesn’t sound so good now!

    Oh Mom/Mum this is fantastic. I laughed my ass off. Priceless.

    You know it even makes me feel good about what I already achieve.

    Thank you.

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  2. But do you know what, if they actually filmed that and put it out on TV i would watch it and i HATE reality TV.
    Oh hang on, what am I saying? I don't need to watch it on my TV it's happening all around me.
    Apart from Dave of course, who is Mrs Doubtfire. But without the dress (I hope).

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  3. What a NAKED Mrs Doubtfire!
    Tara, you're very disturbed!
    Hehe.

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  4. Hilarious.
    Must show it to my husband. Although he will read it and say with an air of nonchalance - I can do all that...what's your problem? As I spit my tea out.

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  5. I got this sent to me too and I've sent it on to all my mummy friends, it's just too true !!!!

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  6. I'd watch that...LOL Bet most of the contestants would quit long before the "end of the game"....
    ;-)

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  7. What time does this show come on? I am soooo watching it!!

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  8. I'd settle for half that list. Wait, that would probably define the last man standing... Except for Dave Doubtfire.

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  9. Dave Doubtfire. Now that's a name I could make money with! lol

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  10. Oh, My muscles are sore just trying to picture this. It has to on the Lifetime Channel, right?

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  11. This did make me giggle. Mind you I dare not show it to my husband - he would point out that I know nothing about anything practical, like how to change a plug, operate the fuse box in the house or jump start the car. When he went away for a week and the TV broke, I had not a clue....

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  12. You forgot - Take littlest child to school, forget snack for 9 kids, go back home, retrieve said snack, etc. Or is it just me who does that?

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  13. And i thought I was struggling with just one! Think I had best stop getting 'intimate' with my partner.

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  14. dave - Glad it made you laugh and yes it makes us feel good about achieving some, if not all off that list. I love the thought of you as dave doubtfire btw!!!

    Tara - you are priceless tara - now dave will always be dave doubtfire to me! (without the nakedness obviously! You two.. !)

    rebeckaj - Hello again!

    ACCTTF - Yeah, my hubs reckons he could take that list on "easy" !!!

    AG - Deffo one to share eh?

    Moose - I'd so watch it too.

    supermommie - Thanks for stopping by. Hello.

    tgw - me too!

    ron - i think abc should pick it up don't you?

    nv - Oh I'm with you! I have found myself to be a sterotypical girl when it comes to fixing stuff around the home. Though i can do lightbulbs and stick toys back together!

    em - What an oversight. Soz!

    cm - glad you enjoyed.

    tt - Well, do we need to give you a biology lesson missy?!

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  15. Haha I love this. I have nothing but the deepest respect for those people who have children. Mother, father, alone or together - it's a hell of a lot of work!

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  16. THIS is hilarious! And I think there should be an addendum that they go to work too!!

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