Thursday, September 11, 2008

Lovin' The Loons!

I wasn't planning on this being the next subject for a post, (you'll be pleased to hear btw, that HD has finally taken of his Daddy Day Care Crown to mop his poor exhausted brow.) However, yesterday I got an email from one of my fellow Brit Sunday Brunch Gang (SBG) friends that made me laugh so much I almost had to reach for a Maxima Underpad.

The subject line read: Craigslist Looney!

This was going to be good.

You see, this friend and I have spent much of our Mid-West summer selling anything that's not nailed down in our homes on Craigslist. Tired of being Desperate-For-Our-Own-Cash-Housewives, we wanted to make a little financial contribution to our households, plus buy ourselves some bloody nice shoes!

So, we rooted round our respective homes grabbing any old junk we hadn't used in five minutes, photographed it, uploaded it onto the 'For Sale' classifieds on Craigslist and a few emails and knocks on the door later, there we were, dollars in our hands.

"Boys! You haven't played with that tractor since yesterday. Can Mummy sell it?"

I'm telling you, it was addictive. HD feared he'd come home to an empty house, literally, I was so into the swing of clearing-out-the clutter. People will buy any old crap. But they were buying our old crap!

Obviously buying and selling this way means you might encounter the odd loon (lunatic) ringing your doorbell. But we took precautions. Both my girlfriend and I were careful never to be home alone if it was a man coming to pick up the item. We both used to tell each other if we had a 'Craigslister' on the way over, and we called a little later to make sure we had not been murdered or our homes ransacked. (Not that either of us had much left in our houses now to be honest!)

Anyway, my favourite Craigslist Loons as I have dubbed them, were:

1) The 50-something lady that drove 15 miles to come look at my living room ceramic-based, cream-shaded lamps (which had photos and measurements on the advert) only to declare, "I was really after smaller pink bedroom ones in a Regency style." She then went on to ask my advice on a range of topics, including posting personal ads."I put an advert in my local paper asking for an exercise buddy," she said. "But all I got was calls from strange men. Do you think I should try the personals in Craigslist?" "Errr no!" I replied, wanting to add, 'Do I look like someone who has expertise in the field of pimping?

2) The 30-something man that wanted my $4 'coffee-for-one' Cafetiere so much that he was prepared to pay $10 for because I couldn't find any change. He beamed: "Am just so pleased to find one this small! Clearly, he needs to get himself some friends.

3) The heavily pregnant and tattooed 20-something who hoisted my old solid wood coffee table onto the back of her pick-up truck, point blank refusing my help. I wasn't going to argue. She may have been eight months pregnant, but she was six feet tall and as we say in England, 'built like a brick shithouse'.

However, my trysts with Craigslist Loons paled into insignificance when I read my girlfriend's email. Here it is for you all to enjoy:

"OK - I've had my first craigslist nutter! I had a few emails from a lady wanting to buy my cat carrier box. She seemed very reasonable. Within seconds of sending her my phone number for directions she was on the phone - half an hour later I managed to get rid of her. Needless to say I arranged to be out when she was coming to look at the carrier, but left it on the porch for her. Yes, I was willing to risk her running off with the carrier without paying - she was that bad.
This is the email she sent after she had been and found (no doubt to her huge disappointment) that I was not here. She did actually buy the carrier so I guess there was a silver lining."

Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: Airline Approved Pet Carrier



I left you some websites for the pandemic that is looming. Those are government websites of disaster planners. They are talking worldwide in different languages on one of the sites. The websites inform military families how to ready themselves for the disaster. Even some disaster planners from the UK are discussing their plans. I thought you might find it interesting and helpful.

The government has warned about 4 million people in the USA to get ready for the 18 month disaster, but they have no intention of letting the general public know when it will start, not in the USA or the UK. And there is a media blackout.

The USA expects to lose 25% of the population, and the UK 30%, Russia and Norway expect 50% losses. It is so sad.

I like the cat carrier. It is just the right size for my medium sized cat. I have 3 cats. One small, one medium and 1 very large. They are fun. My 2 children are grown now, so I have time again for kitties.

Have a great fall season!

You see, even in our sleepy little suburban corner of the USA there's a Loon just waiting to make you wet your pants! I think we should invite her to join our Sunday Brunch Gang. She sounds like a right laugh.

Go on - share your Garage Sale/ Classified Ads/ Car Boot Sale loon stories. You know you want to...


  1. "So, yeah, much of the world's population will die in a horrific pandemic. By the way, I LOVE kitties. Did you see the August issue of Cat Fancy magazine? They had the cutest centerfold of a Siamese that looks JUST LIKE MR. WHISKERS. Oh, God, Mr. Whiskers was the best kitty ever. So, yeah, people will likely be vomiting blood and turning into zombies, ripping the entrails from each other and snacking on them like sausages. Speaking of sausages, you know those treats they make for dogs, Snausages? Well, they should totally make a cat's version of them! Mr. Whiskers LOVED sausage and I bet he would've loved a feline version. Well, I hope you have a great fall and try not to die in the coming plague."

    LOL - that might be the funniest post I've read in months! Wow. People are weird.

  2. Stinkin hilarious! Everyone in the office is asking me what's so darn funny . . . that last woman had kids too. Good God in heaven, the world is a strange and fantastical place.
    I think I can safely say, that is the funniest thing I have read in ages. Thank you Mom/Mum!

  3. LMFAO.

    You know you and your friend missed a chance to meet a new best friend by being failing to give cat disaster lady a chance? You could have got together and built a disaster shelter in your back yard, hermetically sealed, except or the cat flap.

    Invite lamp shade lady too and in the aftermath of the disaster you could pimp her out to any one still alive to enable you to earn a living (or at least have something to barter with).

    You could fry up some of Blogger Dad’s cat sausages, which are obviously not made from cats, they’re made FOR cats. These would sustain you until the point when you actually had to make the sausages FROM cats.

    Throw old one cup cafetiere guy into the mix and you could supplement your income even further by selling him the contents of your nose. Just make sure you never keep any change so that he always has to pay with a $10 bill. You’ll be absolutely minted the first time you catch a cold.

    But whatever you do, don’t invite the incredible bulk woman. After she’s given birth she’ll probably try to eat Mr one cup, and I mean that literally, not figuratively – although she might do that first.

    This will wreck any chance you have of rebuilding the population.

    Well, it was just a thought.

  4. Isn't it funny what people will buy. One person's rubbish is another's treasure and all that. Do we have craig's list here? I've been doing much the same on e-bay with my house (sorry, flat. even less room for the clutter) but with less loon visiting and more salavaging of old jiffy bags to post the things out of my life in. No funny stories though.

  5. Ohmygod. How unusual. She will probably next be seen auditioning for American Idol, under some belief she is the next Celine Dion.
    As my grandma says, 'There's nowt as queer as folk'

  6. Rules for Craigslist:

    1. Do not email me with a lowball offer; at least come out and see the thing first. A girl needs a little foreplay, you know?

    2. No, I will not ship my brand-new indoor bike trainer to you for half what it cost me.

    3. At least show up before you tell me how crappy my item is (see rule #1).

    4. If I say I don't have a photo of the item, I am not going to suddenly produce one. Stop asking.

    5. Deliver??

    I sold everything I owned except what fit in my car a few months ago and mostly met some wonderfully amazing people through Craigslist and Freecycle. Would totally do it again.

  7. My only Craigslist looney wanted me to drive 70 miles round trip to deliver a $5 item to her house! Hmm - that would be about $6 worth of gas . . . let me see . . . that would be a definite NO!

    But you didn't share those important websites with us! Keeping them for youself eh?

  8. Good post! I desperately need to have a clear out as we have so much junk...any tips about how to go about it anyone? ( thank you! I have enough of those in my life. They are called: Family.)

  9. I'm havng a crap day, stuck in MOscow airport dealing with Aeroflot's "customer service".

    But that really made me laugh.

    Thanks for giving me a smile amidst Russian nightmares!!

  10. Wow. Serious, there are no words. I would have totally scarpered too. I've never used criag's list nor freecycle. I don't know if I should now... heh heh. Thanks for the great laugh.

  11. BD - What medications are you on exactly?

    Tara - Glad my nutters boughts some comedy into your day!

    Dave - Would have loved to be stuck in a shelter with that lady and her Loon Gang. imagine, we could have played scrabble and had the most fantastic time together. They are so my kinda people! Snausage anyone?

    rachel - Yep good old Craigs List has a service all over t'world I believe. saves on all those stamps ebay requires. Apart from the Loons, I actually did meet some nice normal folk this way too

    ACCTTF - I couldn't have put it better than your Grandma myself!

    NAB - Have pinned your rules up on my fridge!

    AA - Seee! They are everywhere. She actually hand wrote the websites out on paper in the envelope she left with the money. Too scared to duplicate them on here for fear she'll get me!

    HA - apart from the odd Loon, mostly I have sold to very nice people either at a car boot sale, garage sale or by having a table at a Mum2Mum or NCT sale. Craigs list is great as you don't have to package anything or post it anywhere. Just make sure you have a chain on your front door!

    MITC - Ohhh I feel very international being read in Moscow n all! Deep breathes and smaile through the blips in life eh?

    ABD - I've not used freecycle, but i'd sell this way again. If nothing else, it makes for some comedic moments to share with you all!

  12. Snausage anyone?

    Why is that so funny? Hahaha.

  13. Oh Crikey I just re-read what I just said and it looks like I’m saying, “Yeah, and what’s so funny about that then, huh?” Why me no able speak Ingleesh?

    I meant is ‘Snausages’ = Funny.

    D’oh! Sometimes I have underpants for brains!

  14. Us humans are such humourous creatures, thanks for the giggle.


  15. Gawd, how funny. I work at our school gigantic once a year garage/jumble sale. We have hundreds of people come from all over and a lot of them are loons too. Last year one followed our principal around for about half an hour and he was too nice to realize that if he'd just walked away she'd never have noticed.